If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
