i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
