my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize