i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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