Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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