cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He has the fingertips of a God
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