Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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