Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
