How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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