Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
