I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
