Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
how can u be prego again
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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