I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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