I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
