I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
