she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
