Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
