I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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