she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize