So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
