A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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