i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
