so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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