i just wanna soil my oats bro
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
