you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
