even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
