"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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