There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Can you bring me the toilet please
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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