You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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