On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
