he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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