dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm always down for nudity.
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