Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
