so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
