Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
