We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
