i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I want her autograph on my taint
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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