i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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