I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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