What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
