Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
