i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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