girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
