I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
