I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
