I want to make a zoo with you.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
