I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
