She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
