he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
