I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i think my cat just said my name.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
