Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
