yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
