He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I seem to have left my pride at pride
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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