Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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