im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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