I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
