ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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