I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize