Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
