Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
