So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Of course I have a pirate flag
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize