going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
