Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
