i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
