I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
