Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up under a house in Key West
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