She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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