this boner is exhausting
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
