So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My vagina just clenched in fear
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
