Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
