You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
