who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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