I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The adults are the big ones right?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
