the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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