OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
