even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
How does one acquire holy water?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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