This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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